depression

Self-Sabotage - And What the Fuck to do About it

Yesterday, as I was walking the dog, I finally understood what it feels like to self-sabotage.

I’ve heard that term thrown around a ton in books, lectures and in talking with other coaches, but I was always convinced I never did that.   Sure, I stand in my own way sometimes, but self-sabotage?  That definitely wasn’t me.

Nope.  So not.

During my walk last night I was thinking to myself, “Things are actually going pretty well right now.”  I’ve been coaching some amazing women (who are having some killer results), I’ve kept my anxiety on the lower side the past few weeks, the dog seems happier…. Shit, things are looking up!

And then, it hit me.

Literally out of nowhere feelings of dread, anxiety, fear, and an overwhelming sense of ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ hit me like a ton of bricks.  I went from feeling peaceful and happy to suddenly worrying that everything was going to be terrible, and nothing will work out, and clearly something awful is going to happen.

The fuck?

 

That is some fucked up shit, and I know I’m not alone in this feeling.   And the scary part for me is… I’m sure I’ve been doing this for years, but I didn’t realized till JUST now!

In a way, I’m not allowing myself to feel good.  I don’t believe I deserve to feel good, or I don’t deserve to have good things happen to me.  By fearing the future and convincing myself that things will go to hell, I’m not trusting in myself or the universe to handle things.

And I KNOW that I can handle things, and the universe can handle things.

This happens in all different ways for all different people.  For some, it manifests as “I’ve been eating really well and treating my body right…. But I don’t deserve to feel good so imma down a box of oreos”  or“I’m feeling really good about a situation but my mind is now going to be FULL of all the possible horrible outcomes and oh hey let’s show them on replay for the next 2 days.”

We deserve better than this. 

What to do about it:

Ok, so we know self-sabotage sucks (and is literally the opposite of self-care and self-love), so what do we do about it?

1.     The first step is just noticing.  If you’re anything like me, you may have gone years without realizing you were even doing this!  By first identifying when this is happening, we can start to take action.  Try to catch yourself in the moment, when your brain tells you “Things can’t be this good.”

2.     Once you have that moment, you can kick the self-love up a notch.  My first step is to say to myself “I deserve to feel good” or “I love and approve of myself and I trust the process of life.”  These are my two favorite affirmations, and when I feel anxiety creeping in, I tend to repeat them to myself for at least few minutes.

3.     Then, I practice some deep breathing to take the edge off.  My favorite is the 4-7-8 Breath.  ((Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7, breathe out through your mouth for 8 counts))  I do this 4-6 times to help re-set my parasympathetic nervous system.

4.     If I’m at home and able to, I love to practice some tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) around whatever the issue is.  To use EFT, you use the tips of your fingers to lightly tap on different meridian points on your head, shoulders and chest, while affirming, “Even thought I have this problem (Fill in the blank with your issue), I love and accept myself.”

Want to give it a try?  Watch this quick video by Jessica Ortner for a primer on the points.

 

5.     And then, finally, I journal that shit out.  Sometimes I really resist journaling, but that’s usually when I need it the most.  Getting it out of my head and onto paper helps me process things a little more, so it’s not just swirling around in an anxious jumble in my head.

 

All right you fabulous babes – talk to me.  Do you experience self-sabotage?  Yes? No?  Have you never thought about it before?  What do you do when it creeps in? Leave me a comment below!

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How To Stay Healthy With The Season

Yesterday, I all of a sudden had a HUGE craving for a big salad. 

I like salad and all, but it’s not typically a staple of mine when it’s cold out, it’s more of a warm weather food for me.  I also noticed that I was feeling a little more antsy than usual, and also SUPER inspired to keep working through most of the day yesterday. 

This feels more like spring energy, but I’m sitting here with a Winter Weather warning in Baltimore.  What gives? 

Then I remembered that the Chinese elemental calendar start seasons on different dates, and when I googled it I realized that yesterday, Chinese New Year/Lunar New Year, marks the start of the Spring season.

To. The. Day.  I called it, because I felt that shift.  Crazy, huh?

In Chinese medicine, the Spring or Wood season marks a sense of renewal and inspiration.  The worst of the winter is (hopefully) over, the days are noticeably longer, and we start to plan ahead for the warmer months. We start to make plans for our gardens, getting ready to plant seeds and eventually we break through the tough soil to allow for movement and growth.

As we get into this season, as lovely as it is, many folks tend to experience some not so fun emotions as well.  Anxiety, depression, and irritability are common as we deal with the build up of energy from winter to spring. 

And oh boy, I’m feeling that too.

With that being the case, this is a great time to refocus your self-care practice, and there are a few things you can specifically do to help ease yourself into this time.

      ·      Begin to incorporate more raw vegetables into your diet.  As it’s still chilly on the east coast         of the US, I’d say don’t rush into it and suddenly eat salad or juice for each meal, but here and         there start to add some in!

      ·      Drink 60 to 80 oz of water per day to help flush out the liver.  The liver is responsible for             detoxifying the blood, so you want to keep that shit moving!

      ·      On a similar note, start incorporating more movement into your days to also get the liver             going.  Take a walk a few times per week.  Join a yoga class.  Or friend me on Couch to 5K               (caitbyrnes) so we can keep each other motivated!

      ·    Re-organize your space!  This is a great time to get rid of all the crap that builds up during           the winter (hello KonMari method!).  Throw out old papers, dust those ceiling fans, and get             your shit in order.  You’ll feel so much better after.

 

How are you feeling right now?  Still feeling the winter blues?  Caught the spring anxiety? 

Leave me a comment below and let me know!

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