Just as you are.
Not a damn person can tell you otherwise.
They say we are our own worst critics, and I know that is 100% true. The things we say to ourselves in our minds are horrific. Things we would never in a million years say to out loud to another person’s face. And the scary thing is, sometimes we don’t even notice we’re doing it.
It takes a lot of mindfulness to even realize the hurtful thoughts we have about ourselves. For years I told myself I was ugly, stupid, and terrible at everything, and I didn’t even notice I was doing it. For years there were unconscious thoughts about how awful I was just running in the background of my life 24/7. And as you probably know, it wears you down in a way that feels physical, emotional, and spiritual.
I don’t remember when I started to notice the self-loathing that was happening. Maybe it was after my sister Molly passed along Louise Hay’s book “You Can Heal Your Life” or when I started learning about the Law of Attraction and the Universe. But all of a sudden it was clear. I could hear all those totally fucked up thoughts I was having about myself. Which is powerful, because once you notice it you can start to do something about it.
At first I would get mad at myself. My head would say “Cait, you are the worst at painting. Why are you even doing this? Seriously, painting?” and my gut response would be to fire back with even more hurtful things, like “OMG, why am I thinking this? What is wrong with me? You are the WORST at positive thinking, GOD!”
Not exactly helpful.
It wasn’t until I came to my negative thought pattern without judgment that I could start to move past it. Instead of meeting my negativity with more negativity, I started to just respond back with the opposite, positive, statement. So it looked something like this:
Negative: “Cait, your feet are enormous and nobody loves you.”
Positive: “Cait! Your feet are awesome and can kick the kickball out of the park and move you around and do cool stuff! And also everyone loves you, you beautiful soul!!! <3 <3 <3”
The positive voice is wildly excited.
Our bodies hear everything our minds say, and negativity can affect us in long and short term ways. Besides anxiety and depression, it can also contribute to us making poor choices in regards to our health and wellness.
In meditation, they often teach you to think of thoughts as clouds just passing by. In the same way we notice clouds and see them go, we can do the same thing with negative thoughts. Without judgment, just send them on their way. More will come, and they can just float on by.
The important idea to come away with here is that dealing with negative self-talk is a practice. It won’t change overnight. All you can do is continue to bring your awareness back to positive thinking, and self-love.
And just remember that you are enough. Right now.